=I Want to Know=

I forget sometimes that I'm 23. I'm rather young in the grand scheme of things, but I feel like my life should be more together than it is. I had plans, graduate from college, move to a cool city, get a job, have my own apartment, you know, normal stuff. Yeah well then you graduate and realize that's not normal. 

I've been out of college two years this May. I've worked most of it with temp agencies or retail while living at home. Sometimes I worked two or three jobs. I moved to New York City forty-four days ago, and I've worked three days of it, quite the shift from North Carolina. What do I do with my days now? Go to the gym, apply to jobs I may or may not be qualified for, read, try to write, talk to/text a few friends, watch Netflix, and occasionally hit a concert (highlight of this city). Thats my new normal now.

I'd love to update you and say New York changed things, but it didn't change anything, other than my waistline which is shrinking. I can tell you this, New York is the strangest place I've ever lived. It's overwhelming yet underwhelming, isolating yet overpopulated, scary yet cool, and cold yet alive. Here, I am in a constant state of feeling everything or feeling nothing, which leads to doing nothing. I'm tired of doing nothing.

So, what now? What's going to be my new normal? Do I move again? Where to? With whom? Do I go back to school? Do I lower my standards on what I want to do? Do change the dream because nothing is working out? What now...

I forget sometimes that I'm 23, and I'm not supposed to know what happens or the answers to life's questions.